We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
