Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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