I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
