New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
