I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
