If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
