He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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