Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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