Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
