I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
