In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
