I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
