just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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