Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
