you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
