all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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