someone threw a dead crab at me
her vagine was all disorganized.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
