Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
