I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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