I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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