He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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