mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what day is it and did you see me today?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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