I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
