I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
