Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
