apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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