TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
