apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
