Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
