At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
