I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
