If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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