I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
