dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
