I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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