Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
