You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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