I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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