u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
