So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
