My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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