So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
