Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
