Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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