I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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