lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
