sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
