Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
