For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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