I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
