I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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